Monday, May 02, 2005

Golf Quotes

Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's.  ~Grantland Rice Golf is a good walk spoiled.  ~Mark Twain I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.  ~G.K. Chesterton They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong.  You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it.  ~Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players If you break 100, watch your golf.  If you break 80, watch your business.  ~Joey Adams Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.  ~Martha Beckman When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.  ~Author Unknown I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.  ~Attributed to both Miller Barber and Lee Trevino Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners.  ~Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985 Golf is life.  If you can't take golf, you can't take life.  ~Author Unknown In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence.  Nobody cares.  In golf everything has got to be right over second base.  ~Ken Harrelson If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?  ~Larry Nelson Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.  ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967 If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes.  It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head.  ~Harry Vardon Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver.  The sand wedge is far more effective.  ~Huxtable Pippey A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.  ~Bob Ryan Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.  ~Bob Hope Columbus went around the world in 1492.  That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.  ~Lee Trevino I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted.  ~Author Unknown They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.  ~Raymond Floyd My handicap?  Woods and irons.  ~Chris Codiroli The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.  ~John Updike Even God has to practice his putting.  ~Golf Saying Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula.  And it took a seven to do that.  ~Jim Murray The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.  ~Pete Dye I'd play every day if I could.  It's cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.  ~Brent Musburger If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron.  Not even God can hit a 1-iron.  ~Lee Trevino Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.  ~Jim Bishop I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them.  ~Harry Toscano I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators.  ~Gerald Ford "Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf.  The other is "Wear it if it clashes."  ~Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985 I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.  ~Bob Hope, about his golfing I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.  ~Jim Dent It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf.  The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.  ~Nubar Gulbenkian, 1972 Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.  ~Adlai Stevenson I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.  ~Gerald Ford The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off.  I shot


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