Saturday, April 30, 2005

Quotes for Women's Greetings

but it keeps finding me!  ~Author Unknown Don't cook.  Don't clean.  No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate.  Lie down, you hot bitch."  ~Joan Rivers Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.  ~James Shubert Jesus was a typical man - they always say they'll come back but you never see them again.  ~Author Unknown THREE wise men - are you serious?  ~Author Unknown Home cooking:  where many a man thinks his wife is.  ~Author Unknown The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.  ~Author Unknown You have to have the kind of body that doesn't need a girdle in order to get to pose in one.  ~Carolyn Kenmore If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information:  french-fried potatoes are out.  ~Jean Kerr A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is.  I don't think it works like that.  I think it's the opposite.  I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become.  ~Anita Wise My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless there are three other people.  ~Orson Welles A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.  ~Irina Dunn, 1970, commonly misattributed to Gloria Steinem who had quoted Dunn Sure God created man before woman.  But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.  ~Author Unknown Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.  ~Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit.  ~Maureen Murphy Behind every successful woman... is a substantial amount of coffee.  ~Stephanie Piro I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.  ~Paula Poundstone Where do you go to get anorexia?  ~Shelley Winters There are much easier things in life than finding a good man.  Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.  ~Author Unknown Men are like a fine wine.  They start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.  ~Author Unknown The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.  ~Natalie Wood Buying something on sale is a very special feeling.  In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.  I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it.  I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money?  ~Rita Rudner Don't accept rides from strange men - and remember that all men are as strange as hell.  ~Robin Morgan Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate!  ~Author Unknown Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  Coincidence?  I think not!  ~Author Unknown If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model.  Kate Moss?  Well, she would have been the paintbrush.  ~Dawn French The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.  ~Dave Barry Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram?"

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